


Selfish Idol

by Ryushoujolovesikemen



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Tenn, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Idolish7 boys are crackheads, M/M, Mature Riku, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Songfic, Tenn is a brat, Tenn is a stubborn gay, Twincest, Up to the nines, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:00:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25821790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryushoujolovesikemen/pseuds/Ryushoujolovesikemen
Summary: “Tsukamaete...” he aims his sharp gaze to the #7 live camera shooting from the right. He can feel all of the feelings he long buried deep inside come rushing up to the surface, as if they were about to burst at any moment.I’ll catch youIs love still love when your selfish desires end up hurting the one you love most?Even when you think you are doing what’s best for them?Because you know what is best for them?"Hanasenai...", the idol whispers closely into the mic, his now glossy eyes closed painfully.I won't let go"Tenn-nii!"So please don't let go of me either
Relationships: Izumi Iori/Nanase Riku
Kudos: 15





	Selfish Idol

**Author's Note:**

> Hi lovelies, you're about to embark on an emotional rollercoaster, so buckle up your seatbelts and hold onto your lunch, and enjoy a slightly thirsty Tenn-nii and quite mature Riku. Y'all about to die by my hands. 
> 
> Warning!! (Fam, heed my warning, don't come crying & complaining later)  
> *This takes place two years after the first season of the anime, so Tenn and Riku are now 20 years old  
> *Incest will be mentioned, if you're not into that, don't read it  
> *This fic is inspired by the song 'Up to the Nines' by Kujo Tenn. Lyrics and translation are not mine.  
> *Song lyrics interpretation are based on the author's depiction, so basically its just my own opinion of the song  
> *Please don't be so serious, it's just a fic. Don't be mean or you'll make babyRiku cry.

_“_ _Kono sekai no hate no hate e to, Ichiban ni shirasete yo always_ _”_

_To the ends of the end of this world, I_ ' _ve always informed you first_

Coolly singing on a high platinum stool in the middle of the spacious Tokyo Dome City Hall stage, with his right leg graciously over his left was a certain pink haired idol dressed in his concert ensemble; a simple white cotton shirt, a figure-hugging black blazer with white embroidery around it and faux golden buttons at the front, with tight black trousers that gave an illusion of his long legs. A rosy pink belt sits comfortably around his waist, making him look slimmer than he already is and a matching rosy pink bow rests securely around his collar, finishing his cute yet chic look.

_“_ _Kagayaki wa isshun de koushin, Dare mo mita koto nai kiseki_ _”_

_Brilliance is improved in a flash, A miracle that no one has ever seen_

His smooth voice echoes throughout the indoor concert hall, neon pink light sticks were waving side to side hypnotized by the siren known as Kujo Tenn, famously known as the young center member of the trending idol kings, Trigger.

_"Tsubasa haete sora habataki, Mitsuke dashita tsuyoi kizuna_ _”_

_Growing wings, I fly through the sky, I_ _’_ _ve discovered a strong bond_

Teasing rose quartz eyes scan over the audience that vary both in age and gender, he slowly uncrosses and crosses his legs again, now his left leg over the other. A slight smirk presented itself on his porcelain face, when his fans screamed at his subtle teasing actions. His whole demeanor screamed ‘professional’.

_“Tsubasa haete sunao na koe, Kimi ga boku no yume ni hitsuyou nan da”_

_Growing wings, an honest voice, you’re needed for my dream that’s why_

‘Up to the Nines’ was a song about a _selfish_ love.

The pink haired center sings as the man who is unable to give the right type of love to his most important person in the world. He selfishly craves for that one person to constantly chase after him, without him ever having to look back to see if that person is still following, because he knows that the person will, without fail, keep running after him.

_“_ _Agatteku Ever, Todokanai Yet_ _”_

_Ever ascending, It doesn_ _’_ _t reach yet_

Conceitedly ignoring his conscience that screams from time to time to check up on the person supposedly panting behind him, he mockingly increases his pace as if to challenge the person to see if they had enough resolve to want to keep up with him.

So, what if that said person gets tired and hurt after chasing him? That person should be able to keep up if they really wanted to see him reach his dreams and happiness, _right_?

Why should _he_ care?

_“_ _Tooku ni ite mo hora koe o kanjite_ _”,_ his smirk drops and a serious look takes over.

_Even if I_ _’_ _m far away, look, feel my voice_

And it’s not like he wanted to reach his dreams for himself. He wanted to reach his dreams without fail, to make that other person happy too. All that person needed to do was sit back home, relax, _take care of themselves_ and watch him strive towards the top with a triumphant smirk on his face.

So why did he have somebody else tailing him? _Suffocating_ him? When he had already decided for the both of them that he’d do most of the _dirty work,_ so that the other could have a _tranquil_ and _happy_ life?

Was it because his certain fan did not _believe_ in him? Did they have such little _faith_ in his success that they had to position themselves so _close_ to him? Were they nearby to _cushion_ the hurt he would feel, just in case he _failed_?

Well doesn’t that hurt his manly pride. If they wanted to act stubborn and kept stalking him then fine, _go ahead_. But that doesn’t mean he’ll make it easy for them to do.

He’ll run towards his dream, in a pace his favorite person could be hopeful enough to reach. But as soon as he notices he is in arms reach, he’ll bolt in a speed that would break his soulmate’s hope just a little. _Their heart too_. And when he thinks that his soulmate’s heart and mind are tortured _enough_ , he’ll slow down. And the game of cat and mouse repeats.

_Over_ and _Over_ and _Over_ again.

Until _one_ decides that they had enough of the game or _finally_ defeats the other, this will forever be a same level type of game that is on _continuous loop_.

_“_ _Chikazuitara kieru, Amai toiki no you_ _”,_ Tenn breaks eye contact with the audience and looks away quickly to the side. He can feel the emotions swirling in the beating organ you’d call a heart, the one he froze a long time ago at the start of his career.

_Just like a sweet sigh, That disappears when I get closer_

There _isn’t_ going to be a level up for anyone if none of the characters actually _desire_ to _move on,_ is there?

_Hurt, mend, torture, heal._

He’ll be both your _heaven_ and _hell_.

He’ll be both your _nightmare_ and _dream_.

He’ll be both the reason behind your unwavering blinding smile and the reason you’re on the cold bathroom floor, sobbing, waiting for him to come home.

He _will_ be,

because he _wants_ to be.

He wants to be the only reason you _hurt_ , but he also wants to be the only reason you _smile_.

Was that a _threat_?

No,

that was a _promise_.

_“Tsukamaete...”_ he aims his sharp gaze to the #7 live camera shooting from the right. He can feel all of the feelings he long buried deep inside come rushing up to the surface, as if they were about to burst at any moment.

_I’ll catch you_

_Is love still love when your selfish desires end up hurting the one you love most?_

Even when you think you are doing what’s _best_ for them?

Because you _know_ what is best for them?

_"Hanasenai..."_ , the idol whispers closely into the mic, his now glossy eyes closed painfully.

_I won't let go_

_"Tenn-nii!", a 5-year-old Riku calls out to his favorite person in the world with his signature smile on his face, his stubby legs wobbling hurriedly across the carpeted floor in the living room, trying their best not to stumble on the way._

_“_ _Riku! Be careful! Don_ _’_ _t try to run or you_ _’_ _ll hurt yourself_ _”_ _, a 5-year-old Tenn scolds lightly, a slight frown formed on his face._

_“_ _I missed you! And don_ _’_ _t worry about me, I_ _’_ _ll be okay! I_ _'ve got Tenn-nii after all!_ _”_ _, the red-haired toddler admits proudly to his twin brother, his tiny palm placing itself on the left side of his chest as if he was claiming a naturally treasured fact._

_Young Tenn frowns further at this,_ _“_ _What would you do if I wasn_ _’_ _t there to catch you, Riku?_ _”_

_“_ _Huh? Tenn-nii... Are you leaving me?_ _”_ _red apple eyes start to water at the chance of his favorite person leaving him_

_“_ _No, never. I_ _’_ _ll always be here with you, Riku_ _”_ _slightly regretting for coming up with the stupid question, the mature twin denies with all the determination a 5-year-old could muster._

_Riku grins and hugs his brother with a little more force,_ _“_ _Yay! Good! I want to be with Tenn-nii forever!_ _”_

_“_ _Oof-!_ _“_ _Tenn lost his footing at the sudden gesture and they both toppled down to the ground, Tenn cushioning his sick brother_ _'s fall._

_They looked at each other before laughing heartily at the dorky situation._

_“_ _Hahahah! Tenn-nii, you should have seen the look on your face!_ _”_

_Tenn just smiles softly in reply, adoring his little brother on top of him, never wanting to let him out of his sight._

_So please don't let go of me either_

His mind flashes back to the meeting he had the other day with a certain red head that has a special place in heart.

_-Yesterday-_

_"I need to move on from you, Tenn-nii...", the now 20-year-old center of the famous idol group known as Idolish7 muttered, with his soft apple eyes staring straight into the person that used to take the number one spot in his weak heart._

_“_ _What?_ _”,_ _the 20-year-old Tenn asked dumbly as if lost in his alluring eyes. Though the dark sky was not gifting any light, the person sitting in front of him shined blindingly regardless._

_As usual._

_They were both sitting in the outdoor section of the popular_ _‘_ _Sweet Life_ _’_ _cafe, each brother wearing an oversized coat over their mature frames. One pink and one red. The weather was cold and the sky was cloudy, hinting that rain was ready to pour. They sat opposites to each other, two hot chocolates in front of them, their heads protected by the cafe_ _’_ _s burgundy patio._

_“_ _I said_ _”_ _, Riku swallowed what felt like a huge lump in his throat and spoke a little louder,_ _“_ _I need to move on from you, Tenn-nii_ _.”_

_Tenn blinked twice, now realizing what he thought was a casual meet up was actually turning into a confrontation,_ _“_ _Oh..._ _”_

_Riku_ _’_ _s right eye twitches slightly at his brother_ _’_ _s indifference but decided to ignore it and continued on,_ _“_ _I_ _’_ _ve realized that the one thing that keeps me from striving up to be a top idol and becoming my own person_ _…_ _is you._ _”_

_Tenn still remains silent, not giving much of a reaction._

_Riku mentally face palmed, his brother really was the master of hiding emotions._

_Will it remain that way though?_

_“_ _Tenn-nii, ever since we were little, you know how much I look up to you. When you performed for me, I swear that was one of my happiest times with you. When you wanted to be an idol, I wanted to support you... even when you left me and mom and dad. Even when you broke our promise-_ _“_

_“_ _Riku-_ _“_

_“_ _-I still supported you no matter what, because I love you. You are my brother, after all. You used to be the only one that could make my heart beat so fast from excitement. You used to be the one who could bring up such a huge smile to my face!_ _”_

_“_ _Riku-_ _“_

_“_ _-The smile people found creepy because it never wavered no matter how bad things would get! Because you, yourself, never gave up on me and you were the reason behind my smile. You used to be the one who caught me when I fell! The one who made sure I was happy before letting yourself be happy. Not even when I was sick-_ _“_

_“Riku, please-_ _“_

_“_ _No! You listen to me! At least just this once, can you please listen without interrupting me?! I really need to let this out of my chest_ _!”,_ _Riku demanded, his blood boiling now, tears already pricking at the corner of his eyes._

_Tenn remains silent, obliging at his now irritated twin_ _’_ _s request._

_“_ _Not even when I was sick! Or the fact that you never visited me again in the hospital after you left your family!_ _”_ _Riku_ _’_ _s voice grew louder after every statement,_ _“…_ _could ever make me hate you!_ _”_

_He could feel his attack coming and paused for a while, breathing in and out steadily as he many times did before to prevent a panic attack. Silently acknowledging the alarmed look in his brother_ _’_ _s eyes._

_“_ _I admired you so much that I... I wanted to be you. I wanted to sing like you, dance like you. I wanted to perform gracefully and professionally like you! I wanted to be like you so bad that you were the only thing I kept thinking about_ _”_ _, he felt warm tears trail down his cheeks consistently, one after the other._

_Tenn looks away from the awful sight, he just made his favorite person cry again, uncomfortably stirring the metal spoon around his now cold drink,_ _“_ _Riku..._ _”_

_“_ _The first time you saw me after I joined Idolish7, you looked like you hated me. I thought you did, with the way you were glaring at me. And I was so heartbroken. I cried so hard when I reached the dorms, Iori was so mad when I wouldn_ _’_ _t come out to eat for days._ _”_ _Tenn glanced up when he hears Riku chuckle lightly at the memory,_ _“_ _I had people telling me that I could surpass you one day, but I could never fathom that thought because_ _…_ _I have always thought of you as the best. How could I ever beat you? Besides, that wasn_ _’_ _t what I truly wanted anyway because all I wanted..._ _”_ _Riku looks at Tenn with a sad smile, his eyes wavering but never breaking eye contact, his cheeks wet from the foolish tears that won_ _’_ _t stop falling._

_“_ _All I ever wanted_ _…_ _was to perform with you._ _”_

_‘_ _Foolish_ _’_ _, that was what Riku thought he looked like at the moment. Here he was crying again over somebody who wanted nothing to do with him._

_Tenn knowingly reflects back with his own sad smile, before looking up to the sky that was now pouring with the tears he didn_ _’t_ _have the right to let out._

_No, he couldn_ _’_ _t cry. Not after how much he hurt him._

_Him. His special person._

_The cold-hearted brother ignores his desperate conscience that was yelling at him to embrace the younger male in front of him._

_Riku gazes over his ever so talented brother for a while, before he drops his smile._

_“_ _But you made it pretty clear that it was going to be a competition and that you weren_ _’_ _t into old brotherly bonding. When I realized that you weren'_ _t looking forward to rebuilding our broken relationship, even after all those years of not meeting one another, I felt that going into another panic attack would hurt much lesser than knowing that_ _”_ _shaking his head, Riku laughs bitterly,_ _”_ _And the fact that you just wanted to act professional with me? Your own twin brother?? The one who you left years ago with no further explanation whatsoever other than the fact that you were going to be an idol with the help of that man_ _‘_ _Kujo-san_ _’_ _?!_ _”_ _Riku rhetorically exclaimed, his voice booms for a second time that evening at the said man_ _’_ _s name that tasted like poison on his tongue._

_Tenn looked at his younger brother worriedly again, afraid that he might go into another panic episode at any moment. Surprised would be an understatement to what he feels right now. Riku never gets angry and by never, he means never._

_Not even if there was a person who shoved him to the ground or a person who would eat the last remaining scraps of his long awaited omurice. He would still give them his stupid smile and walk away from a fight. Tenn would usually be the one to shove the person back or at least let out a snarky comment or two to blow off some steam._

_Riku wasn_ _’_ _t the troubled twin. He was the nice one._

_So, to see him so riled up must mean that he had a lot of pent up frustration against him, and who other than Tenn could understand that agonizing circumstance of bottling up feelings? He_ _’_ _s been living with that emotional baggage all his life._

_So, he lets himself become Riku_ _’_ _s punching bag for the moment. He deserved it anyway._

_“_ _I wanted to get angry at you, I wanted to spite you. I fought the urge to go to you and grab you by the shoulders and violently shake you and ask you_ _‘_ _What do you want from me?!_ _’_ _because I was so confused with your attitude! One moment you_ _’_ _re pushing me away, the next you_ _’_ _re calling my name with that sweet voice of yours as if you wanted to be my brother again_ _”,_ _Riku continues on with his rambling._

_The thunder rumbles, as if siding with the red head._

_“_ _I_ _’_ _m sorry, Riku._ _”_

_“_ _No-no-don_ _’_ _t-_ _“,_ _Riku shakes his head violently,_ _“_ _Don_ _’_ _t apologize! I_ _’_ _m trying to be mad at you, Tenn-nii._ _”_

_Tenn smiles softly at the cute fact that despite being mad, Riku still used his nickname._

_“_ _But you can_ _’_ _t stay mad at me forever_ _…_ _can you?_ _”_

_Riku attempts a glare at Tenn, not wanting to respond to the dumb question._

_For someone so intelligent, can_ _’_ _t his brother read the situation and stop with these pointless questions?_

_Tenn raises his left brow at the silent treatment,_ _“_ _Well... can you?_ _”,_ _he asked again uneasy_

_Riku sighs and looked away for a while._

_The rosy haired twin hears a soft mumble_ _“_ _no_ _”_ _and he_ _’_ _s content with that._

_“_ _I may not be able to stay mad at you, but that doesn_ _’_ _t mean we_ _’_ _re okay._ _”,_ _Riku stated sternly, though his eyes softening._

_Nanase Riku_ _’_ _s lethal words were the wrecking ball to Kujo Tenn_ _’_ _s titanium walls, his strong demeanor crumbling inch by inch with every single word the red head spouted._

_“_ _It doesn_ _’_ _t mean that you haven_ _’_ _t lost me. You pushed me away too many times and I got hurt by my own naive expectations every. single. time._ _”_ _Riku made sure to emphasize every word as each painful memory flashes by in his mind, one after the other._

_“_ _My ideals for you have pulled me back. Idolizing you... wanting to be like you_ _…_ _wanting to be with you again_ _…_ _those things chained me from becoming my own person. I want my fans to be able to look up to me as their role model and that means I need to first stand up on my own and that means_ _…_ _I won_ _’_ _t be standing by your shadow anymore Tenn-nii_ _”,_ _the red haired ball his fists at his sides to gather up the courage to say what he_ _’_ _s going to say next because-_

_“_ _I won_ _’_ _t be chasing after you anymore_ _”,_ _anxious crimson eyes search for a rosy pair_

_His mouth was agape. His rose quartz eyes widened in shock and darkened in pain. Tenn_ _’_ _s_ _face falters for few seconds before forcefully trying to revert itself back to its natural state._

_-because of that face._

_If it was anyone else, they probably wouldn_ _’_ _t notice the subtle broken look Kujo Tenn had on his face, but it_ _’_ _s Riku._

_Riku will always notice._

_It_ _was always him._

_The younger twin hated himself at the moment for ever conjuring up that wounded look his older brother failed to mask. But he had to remain strong and see this through. He had to be the strong one this time, for both his and his brother_ _’_ _s sakes._

_He had to be the one to save them both from this misery. This misery of being stuck in the past._

_“_ _I need to move on from you, Tenn-nii. I need to move on from our past. I need to move on from..._ _”_

_‘_ _Don_ _’_ _t_ _’_ _, Tenn pleads desperately inside his head, his usually composed orbs betrayed him and was now exposing all his raw ugly feelings._

_“_ _From us_ _”,_ _Riku_ _’_ _s eyes that seem to be burning with determination could have been mistaken for vengeance at that point._

_“_ _Riku you... don_ _’_ _t you need me anymore?_ _”_ _Tenn_ _’_ _s voice cracks mid-sentence, all the three boys present heard it._

_There was no use in covering up his emotions and feelings anymore, it was all out in the open for everyone to see._

_“_ _Oh Tenn-nii, I_ _’_ _m not a child anymore. I can take care of myself. Besides, not only did you leave me to fend for myself all those years-_ _“_

_Ouch_

_“_ _-but I happen to have other people who are more than willing to stay by my side and support me throughout,_ _”_ _Riku assured his brother._

_"It_ _’_ _s time to leave, Nanase-san", a gentle palm placed itself onto the red head_ _’_ _s left shoulder._

_The raven male who had chosen to remain silent throughout the whole conversation, as if to give the Nanase twins some privacy, had an even parting hair, a set of calculative eyes contradicting the various emotions that swim steadily in those night sky orbs and a blank look on his face. A navy blue winter coat over his shoulders, protecting him from the cold._

_Izumi Iori, another member of the Idolish7 boys. He had been sitting at the table behind theirs listening to every single emotional sentence exchanged between the two 20 year olds. He didn_ _’_ _t actually need to be there, he even felt it was wrong of him for invading their intimate privacy._

_The only reason he came was because a particular cute boy, one he was seeing for a month now, practically begged him the other night to accompany him for this meetup with his brother._

_Iori did try to reject his partner_ _’_ _s pleas more than once._

_But when his partner decided to use his puppy eyes and said_ _‘_ _I need you to be there for moral support, can_ _’_ _t you come and meet Tenn-nii with me?_ _’_

_Who can say no to that?!_

_It will be fun, he said._

_Iori shook his head internally, this was anything but fun._

_They both had promised the other Idolish7 boys and Manager that they_ _’_ _ll be home by 6pm for a group dinner. It had been a while since they all had day offs on the same day, considering their busy schedule for their new upcoming songs, new dances to be choreographed and practiced and more interviews to show up at._

_It was now 5.50pm. Sigh. Nii-san was going to have a fit._

_Iori felt like they needed more time, considering how shaken the Trigger member looked right now. He almost felt a bit bad for him, but he knew that what Riku said was the truth and the truth had to be said if they both wanted to move on._

_In some ways, Kujo Tenn was the chain that held Nanase Riku back from being a top idol._

_As well as from being a happier person._

_Iori quietly waited for a response for few seconds, before his partner looked back at him with a soft smile._

_He saw that his lover_ _’_ _s cheeks were pampered with wet trails most probably from tears and not the rain. His pure white corneas were now bloodshot red, as if he just finished grieving over a loss._

_He probably was._

_With how much his partner told him about their ancient brotherly past and how much Iori had seen in real life; from how the Trigger member reacted at their first meeting at the beginning of their debut and now_ _…_ _Iori can only conclude that their relationship was complicated and a bit unhealthy on both parts._

_While one refuses to give up on the other, regardless of how much pain he had been through because of it, he continues on to chase after his brother, despite his frail figure telling him how futile it was._

_The other tries to push the latter away, refusing to even acknowledge the chance of rebuilding their old brotherhood. Most probably because he thought he didn_ _’_ _t have the right to anymore, because he abandoned him years ago._

_But even Iori could tell that the older twin still loved his brother dearly. He probably loved him a little too much. He just wasn_ _’_ _t good at expressing his emotions and had other_ _…_ _issues to be resolved. He can see that the rosy haired twin would rather shoulder the burden alone, rather than tell the other because he knew that his younger brother would worry._

_And worrying about his selfish brother should be the last thing on his mind, considering his health should be first._

_The red head grasped the raven_ _’_ _s right hand, cold fingers interlocking his._

_“_ _I_ _’_ _m leaving now, Tenn-nii. I have to go and meet the others, we are having sukiyaki party tonight! It_ _’_ _s been a while since we all had a day off together, you see_ _”_ _, Riku said softly smiling down at their now interlocked hands._

_Tenn_ _’_ _s curiosity perked up at their joined hands,_ _were they together?_

_“_ _Oh... is that so? Okay Riku, you should leave now before it gets too late._ _”_

_Tell him you_ _’_ _re sorry_

_“_ _Yeah, we_ _’_ _ll go before it rains any harder than it already does. Iori, you got the umbrella ready?_ _”_

_Tell him not to go_

_Iori pulled out the dark blue umbrella from his shoulder bag,_ _“_ _Yes, don_ _’_ _t worry. Are you ready?_ _”_

_Please don_ _’_ _t leave me alone, Riku_

_Riku nudged Iori gleefully by his hips,_ _“_ _You_ _’_ _re always prepared for everything, huh?_ _”_

_Iori playfully rolled his eyes and opened up the umbrella,_ _“_ _Unlike you_ _”._

_“_ _And that_ _’_ _s why we_ _’_ _re so good together, Iori._ _”_

_Iori blushed slightly at his bold statement,_ _“_ _Come on, its time already. Nii-san is going to throw a fit and you know how Yotsuba-san gets when he_ _’_ _s hungry_. _”_

_Riku just waved the last part off,_ _“_ _It_ _’_ _s fine, Sogo-san can control him_. _”_

_Iori just gave him an unimpressed look, holding the umbrella high over their heads._

_“_ _Okay, okay we_ _’_ _ll leave, Mr. Grumpy. Bye, Tenn-nii. Be careful on your way home_ _”,_ _Riku bids his older brother farewell with a genuine smile on his face._

_“_ _Wait Riku!_ _”_

_“_ _Hm?_ _”_

_Tenn licks his lips nervously,_ _“_ _Do you think_ _…_ _we could go back to the way we were?_ _”_

_Riku blinked at the question,_ _“No_ _”_

_Tenn_ _’_ _s face fell,_ _“_ _O-oh..._ _”_

_Riku panicked at the wounded look that was now back again on his brother_ _’_ _s face,_ _“_ _No_ _I mean! We can_ _’_ _t obviously go back to the way we were because we were so young! We were kids, after all- I mean uh, we can always try to build our friendship again. Uh- if you want to that is, I mean I wouldn_ _’_ _t mind if you wanted to be my brother again, that would make me really happy but it_ _’_ _s fine if you don_ _’_ _t want to but just wanted to be a professional rival to me, I_ _’_ _d understand- no actually, that would be a lie, I wouldn_ _’_ _t understa-_ _“_

_“_ _Riku-_ _” ”_ _Nanase-san-_ _“_ _, both males worriedly said in unison and glanced at each other for a second before averting their eyes to their precious red head._

_“-_ _What I_ _’_ _m trying to say is_ _…”_ _Riku finally calms down from his rambling,_ _“_ _I wouldn_ _’_ _t mind if you wanted to try and be a better brother for me now_ _,_ _Tenn-nii_ _”_ _._

_Tenn_ _’_ _s mouth parted, astonished at how forgiving his Riku can be,_ _“_ _But_ _…_ _Why would you do that? Even after all the pain I caused you? You_ _’_ _ll_ _…_ _forgive me?_ _”_

_Riku sighs before finally speaking,_ _“_ _Because you_ _’_ _re my brother_ _…”_

_Tenn didn_ _’_ _t think he deserved Riku at that moment. He always seemed to take his precious Riku for granted._

_His mind was swirling with so many thoughts and emotions, he didn_ _’_ _t know how to respond to what seemed like a simple confession._

_Say something, stop being a coward, stop denying what you feel and tell him how sorry you are._

_Tell him you were sorry for leaving him._

_Sorry for abandoning him for your selfish desires of wanting to become an idol, even if it was for him._

_Sorry for letting him chase you around, when you knew he couldn_ _’_ _t reach you, because you wouldn_ _’_ _t let him._

_Sorry for not making him happy._

_Sorry for making him cry and worry._

_And sorry for never being able to give him the right type of love he deserved._

_“…_ _and I_ _’_ _ll always love you no matter what, Tenn-nii._ _”_

_Tell him_ _…_ _that you loved him too._

_Tenn once again ignored everything his subconscious was throwing at him and decided to just settle with a few words, instantly regretting after he saw his brother_ _’_ _s defeated look._

_"_ _Thank you, Riku. I_ _’_ _ll try my best._ _”_

_Coward. Coward. Coward!_

_Riku could feel his disappointment at his brother_ _’_ _s lack of reaction. But he tried not to let it show and smiled. Maybe his beloved Tenn-nii would try harder in the future._

_He thought that his Tenn-nii wouldn_ _’_ _t notice his discouraged look, but it_ _’_ _s Tenn._

_Tenn will always notice,_

_if it_ _’_ _s Riku._

_“_ _You_ _’_ _re welcome, Tenn-nii_ _”,_ _Riku finally says before turning back_ _._

_Iori nods his head at the older twin as a farewell, before pulling his boyfriend away from the melancholy scene, walking few steps away before starting a conversation._

_“_ _You cried a lot_ _”_ _, the raven male stated, stopping a while to wipe the wet streaks still present on his lover_ _’_ _s adorable cheeks._

_Riku side hugs his partner appreciatively and sighs_ _“_ _Thank you for coming with me today, Iori._ _”_

_“_ _For you, anytime_ _”,_ _the raven promises._

_Tenn looked at the scene from a distance, a green emotion settling itself cozily on his chest._

_Why couldn_ _’_ _t that be them?_

_The weather seemed to be reflecting on the pink haired brat's foul mood. Guilt, rage, anxiety, jealousy, fear, grief and regret all swarmed around his rose quartz irises._

_The evening sky angrily rumbles with violent drops of water mercilessly splattering itself onto the pavement. The sky was practically sobbing at this point._

_An ugly sob._

_The one where you choke every once in a while, because you felt too much at that point, because you didn_ _’_ _t let yourself feel anything before, so when you finally do, your cries get interrupted with every single ugly thought your brain tosses at you, letting the oxygen-taking sob take over your body._

_That_ _’_ _s what Tenn felt like doing at the moment._

_Just like the depressing weather, his feelings are temporary and shall soon pass... shouldn't it?_

_His feelings were wrong, and anyone sane would tell him that._

_But he couldn_ _’_ _t help but harbor such intense and complex emotions for his twin. Not that he_ _’_ _d ever let his brother know. It was a dangerous secret between him and him alone._

_Though after that meeting, he could tell that the particular raven he met today probably felt it too. He seemed to be a perceptive one._

A warm sensation trailed down his pale cheek, his eyes snapped open as his fans' screams woke him up from his gloomy trance.

Kujo Tenn was crying on stage and it wasn't for concert purposes.

_(To the nines) Wagamama ni_

_(To the nines) Selfishly_

_Did he just miss a line?_ Tenn chokes back a sob, his chest tight.

_(To the nines) Boku nari ni_

_(To the nines) In my own way_

His fans were now singing for him, as if they knew their idol was breaking down at that point, no longer able to sing along to the lyrics and beat. Tenn presses his right palm tightly on his lips, afraid that a cry would escape from it, with his left-hand clutching at his chest, fighting back the _oxygen-taking_ sob that was ready to take over his body.

_Tsubasa o mistsuketa yo, Hidari migi no braver_

_I’ve found my wings, A braver on each my left and right_

The fans’ melodic harmony reaches his broken heart, pink neon light sticks sway side to side, as if to reassure the center that everything will be okay. 

“What is wrong with him?”, the most voted as sexiest man in Japan asks alarmed backstage, cringing slightly at the small screen in front of him.

“I don’t know… but we both know how professional Tenn is, he never messes up”, the Okinawa man, who you might have seen on every sexy advertisement, replied concerned.

“Something is wrong. This brat never talks to us about anything and now look at what happens!”, Gaku runs his hand through his soft silver locks in frustration.

Ryuu frowns at the screen that was now showing his rosy haired friend still sitting on the platinum stool behind the mic stand, a palm covering his mouth as if trying to compose himself. “Oh Tenn…”

_Please be okay,_ both Trigger members thought in unison before heading up to get ready for their next song.

_(To the nines) Wagamama ni_

_(To the nines) Selfishly_

_‘_ _Damn it, stop crying right now Kujo Tenn! You_ _’_ _re worrying your fans!_ _’_ _,_ his subconscious scolds him.

Tenn tries his best to muffle his cries, watery eyes glaring at the ground as he was mentally scolding himself for being such a failure.

_(To the nines) Boku nari ni_

_(To the nines) In my own way_

_‘_ _They came all the way to see you and all you_ _’_ _re doing now is messing up your solo. You_ _’_ _re disappointing everyone. You know you_ _’_ _re disappointing **him**._ _’_

_Taisetsu ni shitai yo kako mirai mo zenbu_

_I want to cherish even the past, the future, everything_

_‘_ _Damn, that lyric. It was hard not to remember that adorable smiling face-_ _‘_

_‘_ _-Oh whatever! Just continue singing! It_ _’_ _s fine, we_ _’_ _ll just say that it_ _’_ _s part of the concert effects. Crying while singing isn_ _’_ _t such an uncommon thing for an idol, is it? Everyone gets emotional time to time on stage, especially if they were singing an emotional song,_ _’_ _his subconscious tries to justify._

_‘_ _Yeah, but not while sobbing,_ _’_ _Tenn argues back at himself._

_‘_ _Oh, shut up._ _’_

_“_ _Shiroi hane gam au kanpeki na shiruetto (fly me higher)_ _”_

_White feathers flutter, a perfect silhouette (fly me higher)_

The center’s voice cracks at the start, an evident result from crying. He attempts to sing along melodically with his precious lovers you’d call fans.

_“_ _Furi kaeri wa shinai_ _‘_ _demo tsuite oide_ _”_

 _I won_ _’_ _t turn back,_ _‘_ _but follow me_ _’_

_Riku, thank you for always chasing after me._ Tenn scans over the audience, attempting a smile to reassure the fans back that everything is okay.

_“_ _Chotto ijiwaru na uta de nadowasete (show me wonder)_ _”_

_Let me deceive you with a slightly malicious song (show me wonder)_

Tenn stands up from the stool before walking up front of stage, his vision blurry as tears continued forming and falling. Even so, he made sure that his steps were careful and graceful enough, singing flawlessly as if his voice didn’t break few seconds ago.

_“_ _Yureru hizashi mitai fuantei na kanjou_ _”_

_An unstable feeling like flickering sunshine_

He sings the last few lyrics with more might than ever before.

_“_ _Ubatte motto_ _(reach)_ _”_

_I_ _’_ _ll take it away, more (reach)_

His intense pair searches for the #7 live camera.

_“_ _Sasotte takaku (the top)_ _”_

_I_ _’_ _ll entice you, higher (the top)_

He raises his signature finger gun motion to the camera-

_“_ _Kizuite boku no ai (yeah), Up to the nines_ _”_

_Notice my love (yeah), Up to the nines_

_-_ and releases the trigger, closing his right eye as he many times did before, the last tear falls from the action.

_I love you, Riku._

The song ends.

A few moments of silence pass by, Tenn’s head bows low as if not daring to meet the eyes of his fans. Afraid that they would be disappointed or angry with him.

He fears they might hate him.

A series of hollers were heard. His fans chant his name. A clapping demonstration was heard.

“Doooon’t miiiiinddd”

_What?_

“Donnnn’t miiinddd”

_They weren’t angry?_

“Don’t mind! Don’t mind! Don’t mind!”

“We love you, Kujo Tenn!”

“You were amazing as always!”

“So professional! I love you!”

“Please don’t cry, we are here for you!”

“You have us! And Gaku! And Ryuu! Please don’t cry!”

“You were so sexy even though you were crying, Kujo Tenn! We want more of this sexiness!”

Tenn wipes his tears and laughs at the last comment. He sure did have the best fans in the entire universe.

He holds his mic to his lips and said, “Thank you all for coming out tonight! I would like to formally apologize for my unprofessionalism, I usually don’t have a mini meltdown in a performance like this, so if it was your first time coming to see Trigger, I’m sorry for that bad first impression, this usually doesn’t happen, I promise!”, he does a 90-degree bow asking for his fans’ forgiveness.

“We love youuuu, Kujo Tenn!”

“We love you and we love Trigger!”

“We love your voice so much!”

“You are so sexy even when you cry!”

The center smiles at the nice compliments he was getting, “Thank you all for your continuous support. I suppose I owe you an explanation, I wouldn’t want your pretty little heads worrying about me”, Tenn winks heartily.

“KYAAAAA!”, oh the fans just love this man.

“You see, this song reminds me of a special someone. This person has been with me throughout my childhood and this person is probably my first ever fan, with the way they always trail after me asking for more performances back when we were little,” Tenn jokingly says, “the reason I cried is because I realized that I may have taken the person’s love and care for me for granted. And for that I am sorry.”

Tenn looks at the center live camera.

“I am sorry. I will try to make amends. Since I’m here tonight in front of thousands of gorgeous fans that Trigger is so lucky to have, I’ll publicly pledge that I will, try to take care of that person better. I will not only look after that person, but I will try to make that person happier than I ever did before. You hear that? If in the future, I somehow hurt you again, well you can remind me that I once made this promise in front of thousands of Trigger fans”, Tenn looks over to the audience, “and when have I ever broken a promise to my fans?”

“Neverrrrrr!”, the fans screeched, their voices bouncing off the arena walls.

The center nods, “You got that right, never! So, I’ll do better okay? I’ll try my best for all of us, okay? So, please don’t be sad anymore”

“Yes, Tenn! We love you!”

“You shouldn’t be sad anymore too, Kujo Tenn!”

“Alright, I got it. Thank you for your concern.”, Tenn grins at the audience appreciatively, “You still got energy for more?! It’s time for our second last song, Heavenly Visitor!”

“Yesssss!”, the fans scream in reply.

The stage darkens and the silver haired and brunette members came running on stage with their stage costumes on. Both boys looking at their center.

‘You okay?’, Ryuu mouths to Tenn.

‘I’m okay’, Tenn gestures an ‘OK’ sign back.

“You need to tell us what happened, no more secrets”, Gaku whispers loud enough for all three of them to hear. The music was already starting.

Tenn scoffs amusingly at his demand, “Fine fine, after this though. Let’s make sure our fans have an amazing night tonight.”

Gaku nodded and starts the song, “Souzou no- “

“-Mukou e-”, Ryuu’s deep voice echoes through the hall.

“Hashiridase...” Tenn sings now calmer than before.

“Alive!”

_-At the Idolish7 dorm-_

“Wow, Kujo-san really is such a professional”, Sogo says admiringly at the TV in the living room that was now showing live footage of the Trigger concert.

Yamato nods his head agreeing, “He’s amazing, he can pull of any weird stunt and his fans would still thank him.”

Tamaki tilts his head, “But I wonder why TenTen was crying?”

Nagi gives him an obvious look, “Isn’t it obvious? He was crying over Ri-“

**Slaps**

“Ow! Mitsuki, that hurt!”

“Can’t you be a bit more sensitive?! He’s right here!”, Mitsuki scolds the blonde pointing at him with a wooden spoon.

Nagi’s eyes widen in realization “O-oh! Sorry, Riku! I was just-”

Riku waves his apology off, “Oh, it’s okay! I agree, Tenn-nii is talented after all. I do feel bad seeing him cry though. It’s probably because of what I said yesterday...”, Riku bites his lip

Iori sighs, “Nanase-san...”

“I’m okay, though! I’ll just... go to the bathroom now”, Riku excuses himself before standing up.

Sogo frowns at this, “You’re going to miss the rest of the live, Riku-kun?”

“Just for few minutes, I really need to go pee” a _lie_

Tamaki pulls Sogo closely, whispering something in his ear.

Iori eyes his boyfriend closely, why would _he_ need to pee? He hasn’t even drunk his water.

As Riku leaves the room, Iori hears a loud “Ow!’ with few grumbles of “Sou-chan, why do you have to be so evil?”

“Why did you say that, Tamaki-kun?!”, Sogo exclaims both his hands high up holding a bright yellow pillow he just hit the man-child with.

“Sou-chan, all I said to you was that Rikkun is always pining after his brother. He’s always like ‘Tenn-nii’ this and ‘Tenn-nii’ that. Honestly, I respect Trigger. But even sometimes, _I_ , someone who is _dense_ about these sort of things, can tell that Rikun loves TenTen more than TenTen does Riku-”

Sogo raises the pillow higher at this, and Tamaki stops abruptly before giving a 'try me' look and raising his index finger at the older male, as if daring him to hit him again.

“You are so insensitive”, Sogo mutters, placing down the pillow back at his lap.

“You know I’m right, Sou-chan.”

“No, you’re not”

Yamato scratches his head with a tired look on his face, “Kids, please. Can we not have this discussion as if Riku wasn’t here?”

Nagi shrugs, “ _Technically_ Yamato, Riku is currently in the bathroo-“

**Smack!**

“Mitsuki! Will you stop that?! It hurts!”

"QUIET!"

“HAHAHAHAHA, your face is hilarious Nagicchi- Ow! Sou-chan! Stop that!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Tamaki-kun”, Sogo smiles like an angel, hiding the pillow behind his back and Tamaki shudders at the sight.

Yamato sighs before chugging his second beer down, not _drunk_ enough to witness the chaos that was now unfolding in the dorms.

Iori face palms himself at the scene before deciding to find Riku, he was probably back in his bedroom.

_Knock knock_

“Hey… can I come in?”, Iori waits for a response and hears a small hum from the other side of the room before entering.

Riku was crouched down on the floor, his thick white blanket over his head as he stares at the TV showing the same live footage in front of him.

“Want to talk?”, the raven whispers crouching down next to him

The red head shakes his head before leaning his head to his partner’s shoulder “No, no talking.”

The two enjoys the silence, cozying up to each other’s company.

_-Hours after the concert finished, at the Trigger apartment-_

“So, mind telling us what the hell happened tonight, Tenn?” Gaku asks folding his arms, as water dripped down his muscular chest, a towel wrapped around his slender waist.

“Mm… maybe”, Tenn says smirking knowing it would piss off the older male.

Ryuu and Tenn, both dressed in fresh pajamas, sat back relaxed on their black couch in the living room they shared together.

Gaku glares at him, “You-!”

“Alright alright! I’ll tell you”, Tenn gestures for the leader to take a seat, not wanting to hear the male raise his voice anymore. It’s been a _long_ night, after all.

“I was thinking about my brother”

Not only Gaku’s, but even Ryuu’s interest was piqued, “Riku-kun? Why? What happened?”

Tenn sighs looking at the floor, “The other day, he wanted to meet up with me and he told me some things that I guess… left quite a harsh impression on my mind.”

“Harsh? That doesn’t sound like your brother.”

Tenn gives a knowing look to the leader, “I _know_ , which was why I was so surprised when I saw him getting so angry.”

Ryuu’s chocolate eyes widen, “Why? What did you do?”

Tenn looks at him as if offended, “I didn’t do anything! Well…”, before he looks away from their prying eyes, “Nothing on purpose.”

Gaku senses the hesitation in his voice and chooses to stay quiet.

After moments of silence, the brunette finally asks breaking the tension filled room, “Well?”

“He said that he wanted to move on from me, he wanted to move on from our past because… he said it’s because I was holding him back. Our past was holding him back”, Tenn could feel his throat run dry from the words he was saying.

_Oh,_ the older boys weren’t expecting _that_.

“He told me that I hurt him too much and that I finally lost him after making him chase after me all those years. I thought he _hated_ me but then he told me how he still loved me even after all the things we’ve been through _because_ of all the things _we’ve_ been through.” Tenn brought his arm to cover his eyes, shielding them from the bright light.

“ _Because_ we were _brothers._ ”

Gaku hums at the statement, “So, what are _you_ going to do about it?”

“What do you think I’ll do? Obviously, I’m going to keep my word”, Tenn says as if it’s the most obvious thing to do.

Gaku smirks, “Oh? That little _pledge_ you made tonight in front of thousands of fans? Live? How _romantic._ ”

Tenn could feel his ears going red, he mumbles a small ‘shut up’ annoyed.

Ryuu smiles at the banter in front of him, “I think that’s a great idea Tenn, I’m sure your brother would appreciate you trying hard to fix your broken relationship. Especially after all those years.”

The youngest member looks at his eldest friend, his cheeks warm from embarrassment, “I wouldn’t know where to start though, I missed out on a lot of years.”

“Hey, the dark past doesn’t matter now. It’s time for the both of you to move on anyway. It’s what Riku wanted right? He was probably thinking of you too. And besides, you can’t change the past, but you can always make up for a better future. Especially now that since we’re all in the same industry, we get to see him frequently for shows and concerts anyway.”

“Yeah, Ryuu’s right. Maybe we can even visit their dorms for a dinner or something, Nikaido usually invites me there for drinks. You can bond with your brother there too.”

Tenn smiles appreciatively at his friends, “Thanks guys”

“Who wants business partners when you got friends, huh?”, Gaku smirks at Tenn, bringing back old memories when the youngest member used to say that he only assumed the older two as his business partners.

Tenn throws a pillow from the couch on the silver haired man, “Shut up!”

Ryuu and Gaku just laugh, happy that things were back to normal.

Tenn smiles back at them before looking at the ceiling.

He was remembering the multiple times toddler Riku would ask for an encore from toddler Tenn, asking for more singing and more dancing. He remembers the time he would scold young Riku whenever he tripped, but would always receive that same dumb smile his brother gave when young Tenn patches his wounds up. He also remembers the broken look middle school Riku gave him that night the man named Kujo-san came to take the older twin away, just so he could reach the dreams of becoming an idol for both of them.

_Bye-bye, Riku. (the Riku from the past)_

Tenn imagines what the next few days would be like, now that both brothers have reached an agreement where they both had to move on from the past. Now that the older male had promised to make up for his mistakes and selfish desires, he desires to meet up with the younger male even more. He wishes to dedicate all his free time for him. He wants to hear his laugh again. He wants to hear him sing. He wants to sing with him. Maybe he’ll even attempt to make some omurice with Ryuu, so he could pack it up in a bento to give Riku next time he sees him.

Should he text him first? Or should he call him?

Should he just be spontaneous and visit him and surprise him?

Would Riku even want to see him?

He hopes so, as the feeling of excitement rushed in his veins.

The two Nanase brothers’ future seem much brighter than ever before, now that their stormy cloud of a past had passed. While Tenn smiles peacefully at the thought, Gaku and Ryuu, who was seeing the rare sight of their center’s truly peaceful smile, gave each other a knowing look before grinning as well.

_I’ll see you soon, Riku. (the Riku in the future)_


End file.
